Growing up I was always told that I was child with a hyper and overactive imagination. "Expert" after "expert" explained that what I thought I was seeing was just my imagination running wild. They explained to my parents and myself that I had to try and control my imagination by repeating  a mantra every time I "saw" something; they told me to repeat to myself "this is not real, this is my imagination."

In the beginning with the support of my grandmother I was able to resist. I refused to say the mantra and stood strong in the believe that what I saw was real. That what I saw was the truth. As I grew older the pressure to fit in hit me from every angle. The fear to be ridiculed or hurt for being different really started to settle in.

I remember one event during school recess time; as all of my classmates played and ran around. I walked around the park picking up trash. Having spoken to the nature spirits , they asked me to pick up the trash. As I began to pick up the trash a teacher ask me what I was doing when I told him, he took the trash from my hands and threw to the wind. Saying that nature should take care of nature and I should stop being such a weird kid and go play with everyone else. As more and more events like this one happened. Where adults asked and often demanded of me to be just like everyone else; I began to falter, and decided that the best thing to do is "fit in".

Years past and my visions and intuition continue to grow dimmer and dimmer. I then began to see the world like everyone wanted me to see it. Through my five senses and not through my six senses. I eventually found my way back to my connection to spirit. Not that we are ever far from Spirit. We are more like a small child in a room full of light who throws a blanket over themselves closes their eyes and yells "It's So Dark and Scary here!" If we only open our eyes. If we take the blanket of fear of ourselves then we can see the light, the beauty and the love all around us.  So I ask you know; are you willing to take the blanket off? Are you willing to open your eyes?

After the first time I connected with the ascended master Apollo, I would retreat in to my inner garden to communicate with him whenever I was worried, sad or scared. Apollo was always kind and loving; chatting with him, as I did with a good friend, always helped me.

Our connection was so strong I began to refer to him as "Da": I saw him as a second father and he often called me "my child" or "my little oracle."

As I entered middle school, fitting in was a little more important, I began to spend less time meditating and doing the "weird" things my grandmother wanted to teach me. I began, like everyone else, to chuck them off to my imagination. I wanted to play sports and wanted to fit in; therefore being the weird kid wouldn't cut it anymore.  I began to attend the local Pentecostal church in an attempt to fit in: their teachings said that talking to anyone other than God or Jesus was a sin.

I remember that day when the Pastor began talking about Pagan gods and assured us all that demons where out there trying to disguise themselves as loving spirits and angels so that they could claim our soul. The fear was so gripping I felt as if I was being strangled and started to have a mini-panic attack.

I remember the same fear a few months later when the same Pastor yelled from the pulpit, full of anger and hate, about "the homosexual abominations that where plaguing our world." I felt that there was something wrong with these teachings so full of hate. (Before I go on any further with my story there is something I want to clear up. The experience I had with Pentecostalism at that time was a very negative one, but there are  many Pentecostal churches that are loving and center their teaching in true Christian values of love, forgiveness and service.)

As the fear and guilt began to pile on; my life began to spin out of control and I felt alone and unwanted. The self that I had meticulously crafted fit in perfectly. Everyone loved me: I was funny, charming and witty. I aced all of my classes, became Co-Captain of the Men's Volleyball team, was a co-editor of the school newspaper and participated in church as a youth leader. People called me "Goldenboy" or "Sunshine" and this constantly reminded me that there was something missing,: the comfort that I received when I talked to The Angels, Jesus, and Apollo.

It wasn't that I stopped talking to Jesus, in a way I still was. But now, it just felt constricted as if there were a set of rules to follow; whereas before I would talk to him as a friend or like how I am talking to you now. Speaking to Apollo or my Angels was out of the question; I didn't want to tempt God to strike me down and make me feel more guilty than I already was with my "evil and sinful" feelings for other boys.

That's when it happen... Eventually the pressure build up so much that I just couldn't contain it. I decided I had enough and if I was born this way, with this curse that would doom me to hell, why not skip the whole horrible pain filled journey and just "check out" right now.

I had lived 10 years going through Catholic school and churches that told me I was going to hell for being me, for being the way I was born. So I decided that God was unfair and that there was no point. I was in my freshman year of high school, I locked myself in the bathroom, and decided in a moment of desperation to take my own life. I won't give you details because it’s a part of my life that I choose not to give focus to but I will tell you the beautiful lesson I learned.

I remember slowly fading,  my vision becoming blurry and I could hear the sounds of the radio and running water very distantly. It felt as if I was going into a dream. There I saw a beautiful Woman, her face kept changing from hers to every woman I loved in my life.

"My dear, perfect child. Why do you choose to take your own life?" she said her voice soft and loving.

"I don't want to be in pain anymore. I can't do this. I was born broken, sick, cursed. I was born an abomination, why spend a whole lifetime of suffering and end up in hell, when I can just quit now and get what I deserve." I replied in heavy sobs

"Who says you are Imperfect, broken, sick or cursed?" she asked as she held my head in her lap and stroked my hair as my grandmother did every night before I fell a sleep.

"Everyone, people at church, people on tv, people at school."

"I don't." she responded and began to hum my favorite lullaby. "I love you. You know your creator God can't make mistakes. Everything he makes is perfect and full of love. Don't you believe that God created you and that he is perfect and that he cannot make mistakes?" I nodded. "They believe that you are perfect, that he has a great purpose for you."

"Are you God?" I whispered

"Yes, an extension of God. I am the extension of God many called, and still call, Aphrodite Urania."

"The goddess of heavenly love."

She giggled, "Very good, we figured that this aspect of God would be best for you at this moment of need. You have so much to do little one. So much to accomplish and so much love to bring to this world. The choice is always yours but we strongly encourage you not to give up and keep walking on your beautiful, amazing, magical road." Her eyes where full of love, the love I saw in my grandmother's eyes and in my mother's eyes, the love I saw in my own eyes whenever I looked at myself in the mirror as a child; the love that was now missing in me.

"I want to keep going I don't want to give up!" I yelled. Snapping back in to the reality of the bathroom and the water running cold.

I want to leave you with this before  I close this post. No matter how hard your road seems, you have help and support. All you have to do is ask; let your road be magical and above all else never give up. 

I remember as a kid, I spent countless hours devouring books on Greek Mythology and ancient Greek culture. There was something about that time period that called to my soul like no other. In the stories about the Greek Heroes and Greek gods I found shelter from a cruel world.

I was very different than most kids my age. I loved to read and write from a very early age. I had a passion for art and always carried books and notebooks  and sketch pats to draw and write. For Christmas instead of toy cars or any of the other popular toys. I asked for boxes full of art supplies and books to read.  I remember how excited I was when I first got my first type writer. I still miss the clacking sound of its keys whenever I type on my computer.

I as label as the "weird kid." Even some parents advise their children to stay away from me.  I would cry for hours after school some days when the other kids would teas me for being "Weird" My grandmother would comfort me and tell me "one day my heart, one day you will meet lots of people just like you. You will help them find their light, you will help them shine. As they will help you do the same." She then would launch into a dramatic retelling of one of the many stories she knew. I' m still unsure how she always had a fresh new story every time but they never failed to comfort me.

One of these Stories was about a beautiful, golden god Named Apollo. My Grams said… "The god Apollo is the twin brother of the goddess Artemis  she is the goddess of the hunt and moon. Apollo a brave god, of truth, music, the arts and the gift of prophecy. Slayed a giant snake who chased his mother all over the world. He shot two arrows into the snakes eyes, he had perfect aim, both him and his sister where the gods of archery."

"Wow! Grams I like Apollo!" I said, I remember how excited I was till this day. I felt an instant connection to this god grams spoke about in her tale.

"After blinding the dark snake, Apollo quickly dispatched it and the snake was no more. His mother was safe and the world rejoiced in his bravery."

"Tell me more about Apollo Grams" I shrieked bursting with excitement.

"I'll tell you what…Close your eyes. Call on Apollo ask for him to show you more of whom he is." she responded.

"Can I do that? Will he answer?"

"Of course my heart, you can do anything. There is nothing you can't do!"

My grandmother always told me that there was nothing you couldn't do. You just had to be whiling to work hard  at it, and stay focused.

For the next four days I sat for hours calling on Apollo. Asking him to show me more, to tell me more, about his great heroics. Nothing happened…

On the fourth day, after an hour of trying to stay focused and ask Apollo to "show me something…anything" I fell a sleep.

I had a dream, that I will never forget. It is one of the very few dreams I will always remember.  I sat on a garden, this is the garden where most of my "vision dreams" or visions I have during meditation happen. I call it my inner garden My inner sanctuary. I sat there in my garden, when I noticed a man sitting in a bench made out of some sort of stone. The bench I remember being beautiful, the man looked like a super hero.  He has shirtless with leather pants and a bow across his back. He had short messy blond hair, eyes that glowed like the morning sun and  a warm ,loving smile as he looked at me.  He said "My little Oracle, it is good to see that you have not lost your strong will. That in this life, where you are still so young your will is a force to be reckoned with…."

The Wise Words of My Grandmother

My grandmother was a very influential person in my life. She taught me a lot of important things. If not the most impart things I could ever hope to learn from any human being.

She was a small woman of stature, about five foot. But her aura was one of power and when she entered any room her presence was felt. All eyes fell upon her and when she spoke everyone listen.  She in my eyes was magical. A wise woman who always knew what to say. I remember seeing people  come into our home crying or disturbed and left full of peace and with an inner glow I later understood, I was seeing with my clairvoyance. That glow was their inner light beginning to glow, once again after they had endured their personal storm that threatened to put it out.

She would often tell people;  We all have a connection to All that Is, The Angels and everything else in the world of spirits. The universe is wondrous being, that is whiling and wants to help us. It wants the best for us. We all have a connection to All that Is, it is just a thought or a word away and in an instant it will if we allow it, to change our lives.

When I begin to tell her about my visions she explained that we are all born with the natural ability to connect to what she called All that Is and I call Spirit and Many call God/Goddess. There are some she explained that see into the world of Spirit, some that hear the world of spirit, others that feel the world of spirit and some just know and have thoughts from the world of spirit. She said just as some people can naturally draw better than others some people seam to "pick it up" faster or easier. But we all can draw can we not? If you don’t believe it, then take a pencil right now and draw a heart; you drew it did you not? See we all can draw and with a little practice a little work we can all draw the perfect heart.  And that’s the point to "draw" our perfect hearts; full of light, love and peace so we can then "draw" the perfect world.

My grandmother transitioned over to the world of spirit on this day seven years ago. She like all of our loved ones is still around. Popping in and out to say hello, leave a sign or say some wise words at a moment of need. I still hold her mission close to my heart… To help those in need heal and re-ignite their own light. To teach and help all of us remember that we are all connected to Spirit and we can all hear, see and feel its massage.

I love you grams!

I spy with my Third Eye something that begins with the letter A...

I still remember the first time I saw an Angel. I was 7,  I had been playing near the woods, during a youth and children church retreat. The older boys where setting the tents, as the instructors and chaperons watched and aided anyone that needed help. I felt like I did at most places, like I din't belong. So I retreated to do what I did best, went off to the world of pretend and imagination.
 This time I was hunting down an evil Dragon Sorcerror, who had stolen a powerful tome of magic from the kingdom which I had sworn to protect, Atlantis. The evil Dragon had escape to the dark forest out side of the  of the kingdoms reach. It was up to me to hunt him down, recover the book and slay him.
After what felt like a few minutes, I realized that I had wondered deeper into the woods than I had intended. The sun was dipping under the horizon and some of the nocturnal creatures of the woods where beginning to great the twilight with their songs. The sense of dread began to invade all of my senses. My breath turn quick and shallow, my eyes blurred and stung as I tried to hold back tears. As I began to realize that I was now lost in the woods. It would be hours I thought before anyone noticed I was lost, "if they even realize your gone." A raspy cold voice said.
"They will! They have to! God please help me. I'll be a good boy I promise!" I yelled full of desperation. My voice horse from holding myself back from crying. A dragon slayer never cried, we where strong folk.
"Hey, what are you doing out here by yourself?" a soft, whispery voice said.
"Hunting a Dragon!" I responded once again full of courage, remembering the first rule of dragon slaying. "A dragon Slayer must never show anyone weakness."
"Did, you get him?" I could hear the excitement in her voice. Her bright big blue eyes glowed, with excitement.
"Yes! I Did, but I Don't know there dark woods well and I.. am.. umm.. lost.." I said whispering the last part as I stared at the ground.
"Oh, I live in these woods. I can help you find your way.. You called me you know?"
"I did...?" I murmured
"Of course, you prayed for help remember. I am Alanis. I was sent to help." she extended her hand out. I unsure what to do gave it a semi-high five. She giggled a musical laugh, "so should we find your way back?" I  nodded. "Not very talkative are you?" she said.
"I am." I responded slightly offended at what I thought sounded like an accusation. I had been called a lot of things but "not talkative" was not one of them. "I'm just not supposed to talk to strangers that's all."
"But I am not a stranger. I've known you all your life." she said.
"What do you mean? I don't know you. This is the firs time I meet you." I said, trying to remember if I had seen her before.
"Oh look, there we are. We found our way back. There are your friends. Look they are looking for you. See they did miss you."
I ran towards my Dad, who looked desperate and as if he had been crying for hours. "Oh thank God! Juancarlos I was so scared. Oh thank you God thank you!" he said in between hugging me so tight I could barely breath.
"Dad, I'm ok. I'm ok." I said trying to console my father. "This nice lady helped me, She said she's known me all my life. Her name is Alanis. But I don't think I've met her ever."
"Who?"
"Alanis.." I said looking around, she had to be around still. "Her right there." I pointed where Alanis stood next to a big tree in a slight opening behind the line of tents.
"I don't see anyone there" my dad mused.
"She's right there Dad!" I yelled. Alanis winked, smiled and stretched her hands in the "long distance hug gesture" From her back two giant wings extended. "Wow! She's an Angel Dad!"
My father patted my head and said "Let's go buddy you've had enough excitement for today. Time to go to sleep" and begin to walk towards our tent.
I looked back but Alanis had left. this would not be the last time I would see her. Nor would it be the last time I would see an Angel. But those are stories for another day.